Here’s Biden’s Blueprint to Save His Presidency and Get Reelected
Clearly, Biden wants people to believe what he says instead of trusting their own lying eyes. If the stakes weren’t so high, it would be farcical. But Joltin’ Joe has done it before. Why not one last time?
I can hear him humming to himself the refrain of that song, “Too late to turn back now,” sung by Cornelius Bros and Sister Rose and featured in The Ice Storm (1997), BlackKKKlansman (2018) and Daisy Jones & the Six (Amazon Prime Video).
In fact, I think Biden ought to sing it on stage to a national audience:
[Chorus]
It’s too late to turn back now
I believe, I believe
I believe I’m falling in love
It’s too late to turn back now
I believe, I believe
I believe I’m falling in love
He should sing it to his wife Jill, who shows up on stage wearing what she wore last week on the cover of Vogue. Joe will get down on his knees (to show that he can get up again under his own power) and propose to her. Somebody on his staff will then walk on stage with a box of chocolates and a dozen red roses and Joe and Jill will renew their marriage right then and there for all Americans to see. It will give us all hope. All those we love will be in our hearts.
What a story! What a resurgence!
Joe and Jill will then dance to a patriotic song, maybe “Give Peace a Chance” or “Imagine” or any song from Bob Dylan’s seminal album “Time Out of Mind.” Or, if more traditional fare is preferred, why not Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing” or Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down.” Joe will sing the refrain in a loud, strong, amplified voice.
The dance can be slow, a waltz, no harm in that. Don’t want to stress out Joe as he takes back the country with a song and a kick dance move. Maybe a little something that John Travolta did in his prime?
Kamala will come out, raise her fist in soidarity, and the trio — Joe, Jill, Kamala — will then take turns telling us why it’s urgent to vote Democrat in November. Red, White and Blue confetti will fall from the rafters. Fireworks. The Star-Spangled Banner sung by Beyonce with the lyrics onscreen so that everybody at home can sing along.
The three then walk to a waiting train to begin a whistle stop tour, which is Joltin’ Joe’s signature. If Taylor Swift is going to endorse Joe, now’s the time for her to make a cameo and blow him a kiss while wearing some of his campaign gear with Travis by her side both as bodyguard and progressive NFL superstar all in for Joltin’ Joe Biden.
Joe stands at the rear of the old-fashioned caboose, squinting famously, tosses Taylor a heartshaped chocolate kiss in return, raises a fist that symbolizes the stance of every single American, whatever their party, race, or creed, and then sets off across the country at a furious pace to show he has what it takes.
He can get rest when needed in a sleeping car. Lots of caffeine on board.
Joe and Kamala with Jill by their side take the country back by storm. Joe stays on the rails, promoting high speed rail travel, and runs the country from an executive car. The President Is In Transit, the headlines will blare, changing his persona from old dude to action figure. The sound of those lonesome steel wheels clacking across the country will stir the heart and soul of every American.
Biden wins.
In a landslide.
Might work. What do you think?